Four methods for families to control difficulties, ease transition back to normal living patterns Published April 1, 2008 By Glenn Garcia Family Advocacy Outreach manager F.E. WARREN AIR FORCE BASE, Wyo. -- The front gate of Warren provides a very telling story of the operation of a missile base. A person can see a variety of mission specific vehicles entering and exiting the base with a large contingent of support personnel on board. Some may be heading out for the day and returning that evening, but the majority of active-duty members at Warren are probably driving out to the missile field for a four-day tour. Members of our local community see the Air Force vehicles driving through Cheyenne and on our local interstate not realizing the impact this critical mission has on our active-duty members and especially their families. The missile trips are now being compounded with the Global War on Terror -- dozens of our Warren members may now be gone for several months in support of the mission. So how does a military family cope with this challenging schedule? Military families must plan and prepare for these scheduled absences and ensure open lines of communication for all family members. - Consistency One of the biggest areas that present troubles for families during deployments and tours to the missile field is a change in family routines. This can include everything from fixing dinner, eating as a family, following through with discipline, and changing sleeping patterns. Many families feel too exhausted or stressed to maintain household routines when one of the members is temporarily unavailable. With this inconsistency, friction occurs in the family when the member returns and the regular routines return to normal. These dramatic changes will build resentment in the family and will inevitably cause harm or conflict in the relationship, either now or in the near future. - Communication Eighty percent of couples attend marriage counseling because they are having troubles with communication. When couples are not talking openly with each other, misinformation, misunderstanding and misinterpretation can cause tension and conflict. As a military family, people must readily talk with each other. This includes handling parenting issues, paying bills, managing money and expressing appreciation. A recent study showed couples who express appreciation on a daily basis for the job each person is doing have happier and healthier marriages. Instead of getting upset and stressed next time the active-duty member has to go on tour, try expressing a little gratitude for the job they must do to defend our country, and vice versa for taking care of the family and all the household responsibilities during the absence. - Collaboration It is critical for couples and families to work together and support each other before, during and after a deployment or tour to the missile field. Children especially love being challenged to help out with the family during the active-duty member's absence. Many remaining parents wrongly assume they are the only ones who have to now do everything around the house, and they get upset and frustrated when they become overwhelmed. The reality is that many children, as young as four years old, can help with chores and can accept more responsibility to do their part to serve their country. - Contact When the active-duty member is absent, life still goes on and decisions have to be made on a daily basis. Staying in contact with each family member will ensure there are no surprises when the active-duty member returns. The great thing is there are many recent technological advances that allow families to stay in touch, even in distant locations. Use that computer with a web camera to stay in touch. Become comfortable with text messaging as a way to have instant conversations and to support each other if critical decisions need to be made. The more a family works together and talks to each other, the greater the chance that they will be able to survive the cycle of deployment or the cycle of missile duty. An important key is to remember that the entire family has made a commitment to each other and to the Air Force. If all family members honor this commitment to each other, then the impact will not be as stressful on families. The end result will be greater numbers of active-duty members remaining in the military. Remember, many families avoid divorce because they know they have the knowledge and support to handle any challenge that comes their way. For more information about dealing with deployments, call 773-4228.