Resiliency: Techniques to survive deployment stress Published May 11, 2009 By Glenn Garcia Medical Operations Squadron F.E. WARREN AIR FORCE BASE, Wyo. -- Deployment has become a common part of our military language as every branch of service and military installation provides troops to support the operations occurring in Iraq and Afghanistan. For today's Air Force family, the key to a successful deployment is learning how to become resilient: an ability to adjust to or recover easily to sudden change or misfortune. Does being deployed have to be an unfortunate event for today's Air Force family? It seems to, if the active-duty member and family have not properly prepared for and discussed the impact of the deployment on everyone in the family. The key to building resiliency is deciding what you and your family will do with the time between being notified and actually deploying. Using the following strategies could mean the difference between accomplishing the mission or having to abort because of distractions and difficulties occurring at home. Today's Air Force family must plan and prepare for these scheduled deployments and ensure open lines of communication for all family members who in many ways are also called to duty. Consistency One of the biggest areas that gets families in trouble during deployments is a change in family routines. This can include everything from not fixing dinner, not eating as a family, not following through with consequences and changing sleeping patterns. Many families feel too exhausted or stressed to maintain household routines when one of the members is deployed. With this inconsistency, friction occurs in the family when the member returns and the routines get back to normal. Children may no longer get to eat out every evening or no longer get to sleep in the parent's bed. These dramatic changes can build resentment in the family and cause conflict in the relationship. Communication Adult family members need to ensure they have open lines of communication, especially when they are dealing with repetitive or extended deployments. When couples are not talking openly with each other, misinformation, misunderstanding and misinterpretation can infect the relationship like a cancer causing tension and conflict. As a military family, members must readily talk with each other about all topics of interest. This includes handling parenting issues, paying bills, managing money and expressing appreciation. A recent study showed couples who express appreciation on a daily basis for the job each person is doing have happier and healthier marriages. So instead of getting upset and stressed next time the active duty member is deployed, try expressing a little gratitude for the job they must do to defend our country and vice versa for taking care of the family and all the household responsibilities during the absence. Collaboration It cannot be emphasized enough how critical it is for couples and families to work together and support each other before, during and after a deployment. Children especially love being challenged to help out with the family during the active-duty member's absence. Many remaining parents wrongly assume they are the only ones who have to now do everything around the house and then get upset and frustrated when they become overwhelmed. The reality is that many children, as young as four years old, can help with chores around the house and can accept more responsibility and do their partto serve the country as a military child. Contact When the active-duty member is deployed, life still goes on and decisions have to made on a daily basis. Staying in contact with each family member will ensure there are no surprises when the active-duty member returns. The great thing is there are many recent technological advances that allow families to stay in touch even in distant locations. So, use that computer with the Web camera to stay in touch. Become comfortable with text messaging as a way to have instant conversations with your spouse or children and to support each other if critical decisions need to be made. Use e-mail, and finally, it is still okay to use the telephone to talk to each other. Coping A number of things promote resiliency: - Using healthy stress management techniques and coping skills - Accessing available support services offered to deployed families - Developing relationships for support and building healthy connections - Having a survivor mindset of knowing that you will survive the deployment and become a stronger family because of it - aFinding a purpose or passion that can help you focus on yourself or others - Seeking professional mental health counseling The more a family works together and talks to each other the greater the chance they will become resilient. An important key is to remember that the entire family has made a commitment to each other and to the Air Force. If all family members honor this commitment to each other, then the impact will not be as destructive. The result will be greater numbers of active duty members remaining in the Air Force and many families avoiding divorce, because they know they have the knowledge and support to handle any challenge that comes their way.