Help someone in distress

  • Published
  • By Chief Master Sgt. Marty Anderson
  • 90th Missile Wing command chief
F.E. WARREN AIR FORCE BASE, Wyo. --  We have lost too many good Airmen due to suicides. There have been many cases of friends and family members who have committed suicide as well. We often preach the wingman concept and encourage you to ask for help if you are experiencing a crisis. But, what if you are the wingman and your spouse, friend, or coworker says they are having thoughts of suicide? As a wingman how do you handle this type of situation?

As a first sergeant, I have had to deal with situations like this, but I have had special training to help me achieve a positive outcome. I would like to share with you some techniques that I used to help someone who is distressed.

First, realize that it is not your responsibility to solve the individual's problems. Your primary role is to help the person seek out the professionals who can assist. Your first sergeant should be one of your very first stops; hence the position of first sergeant.

For example, if an individual was talking about having financial issues, the Airman Family Readiness Flight is the focal point. They have great resources to help resolve almost any financial problem. But, what if the situation was more complex? Say you noticed a very outgoing person who you know very well was having financial issues, became very withdrawn and starts making statements about wishing they weren't around anymore; then what do you do? Or, the Airman who found out their significant other was cheating on them and wanted to show that person.

You have to get involved and never be afraid to confront someone. Your first step is to be up-front and explain to the person that you noticed a change in their demeanor or attitude or you are concerned about the statements they are making. Ask the question, "What is going on, or why are you saying those things?" Don't take, "Leave me alone," as an answer. Do not judge the person as this will stop any communication process you have established. Also, do not try to solve or diffuse the individual's perspective of his situation. You want to get the individual to talk and vent out their frustration, anger or anxieties regarding whatever is going on in their life. No one ever thinks logically about how to resolve problems when they are highly emotional. Get the person to talk as often as possible and provide detailed information about their current dilemma.

If the individual demonstrates signs of hopelessness and just says they don't care anymore, look that person directly in the eye while being very candid and ask the individual if they are having thoughts of suicide or thoughts of hurting others over this situation. If the answer is yes, then ask the person if they have a plan? If they have a plan the situation is even more serious. Many people are concerned when asking those types of questions, because they feel the person may not have had those thoughts until they were asked; a person who is or is not thinking about suicide and being asked the question will in no way change this fact.

After you feel the person is completely emotionally exhausted from talking about the situation, you want to find something that gives the person hope. For example, I always asked what their long term goals or ambitions are. An example response is, "I want to see my children grow up, go to college, get married and play with my grandchildren." I then immediately respond with, "How are you going see your children grow up if you commit suicide?" The point is, find something that you can use for the person to cling to live for, a reason to live!

Your goal is for the person to want to get help, creating not only cooperation (the person is going to receive help one way or another), but also gives the individual some control of his situation. If this seems to not be feasible, or if you fear for your or the individual's wellbeing, immediately contact your first sergeant, mental health, or law enforcement for help. Then, tell the responsible agency everything that was discussed in order for the professionals to help the person work through their issues. But, the main point is never leave the person alone until a competent authority or professional takes control of the situation.

Hopefully, you are never placed in this type of situation. But if you are, remember your primary focus is to get the person to want help. To achieve that goal, first confront the person as to what is going on in their lives and allow the individual to vent. Second, find a reason so they want to live. Finally, never leave the person a lone until relieved by competent authorities.

This article was written to help you navigate through a very difficult situation in order to ensure a person gets help. For more information on this subject contact the mental health office at 773-2998. Never be afraid to get involved; you just may save a life.