Taking care of family Published July 30, 2010 By Chief Master Sgt. Marty Anderson 90th Missile Wing command chief F.E. WARREN AIR FORCE BASE, WYO. -- I love speaking with our Airmen during the First Term Airman Center course. I appreciate how they ask questions with a straight-forward candor. Recently, I was asked about how to balance family life with the professional demands of the Air Force. I immediately responded with, "You must have your priorities straight." My priorities are my faith, family, and the Air Force. This does not mean I don't work late when required or avoid my duties to deploy or perform temporary duties in the name of my family. But, what it does mean is I make sure my family needs are taken care of while I am gone, but more importantly, I make sure when we are together, it is filled with quality time. I admit, there are times when it would have been easy to take my family for granted. But, I learned from a couple chiefs long ago who told me after I have served my country and hung up the uniform for the last time, the only thing I will have left is my family so I need to take care of them or they won't be around. In order for a marriage to be successful, the first step is realizing it is a team concept. You both have to list your future goals together and then decide how to achieve your family goals as partners. As with achieving any goals in life, sacrifices must be made. In my opinion, financial problems are the number one reason for most divorces. A decision must be made as whether to save, invest or spend the money when you have it. While having all the toys is cool, it comes with a heavy cost in the long run. Family time does not have to be extravagant or expensive. This past weekend, I took my son, Scott, to the golf course with me for the first time. I was more focused on him than playing and did not play as well as I would have liked, but it was more important having him with me than playing well. I admired his tenacity as he would take one of my clubs, which were twice as big as he was, and try to hit the ball. I was impressed with how he was smarter than me by moving the ball 6 inches from the cup and was able to putt the ball in the hole every time. For him, rules were merely a suggestion but he will learn to appreciate the rules of the game, as well as life when he gets a little older. It is equally important to find opportunities to spend time with your spouse. Monday, Kim and I attended the CFD professional bull riding contest. We had a nice dinner just the two of us and enjoyed a nice evening together. There are times when even the best of families struggle, but open communication and a loving heart will get you through. But know this; there is absolutely no tolerance for spouse or child abuse. If a situation becomes heated or tense, go for a walk or go to separate rooms, but cool off. Someone who loses their cool and hits a spouse or child lacks self-control and brings into question whether this person is fit for continued military service. One of the most difficult things for any spouse or child is to move and start over. I encourage all spouses to get involved in the military community and especially with the spouses group. The spouses group provides a support network especially during the member's absence. I also highly recommend your spouse visit the Airman & Family Readiness Center. They have a wealth of information on programs regarding employment opportunities, schools, and programs for children. If it were not for the support of my family, I would not be where I am today. I have been on remote assignments and deployments, and it is difficult being separated from the family. But, because of our strong relationship, our family has remained intact and is actually stronger because we know there is nothing we can't overcome. No matter how hard of a day I had, I always know I can come home to a very supportive wife and two loving children. But, it does not happen without work, commitment and sacrifice. Love your country, love your Air Force, but love your family more.